


Hermione's Little Helper

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Friendship, Post-Hogwarts, The Quidditch Pitch: Leaving Feast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-05
Updated: 2006-06-05
Packaged: 2018-10-27 08:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10805835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Hermione brings a 'friend' to Remus' party.





	Hermione's Little Helper

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: **Beta:** [](http://cormallen.livejournal.com/profile)[**cormallen**](http://cormallen.livejournal.com/)   


* * *

“No way,” George whispered to Fred.  
  
“I’m telling you, bro, I know about these things,” Fred muttered back, his hand cupped in front of this mouth to shield his words from the others.  
  
“Oh, you _know_ about these things, do you?”  
  
Fred nodded, grinning like a Cheshire cat.  
  
George whacked his twin on the back of the head. “You know nothing about anything, you git!”  
  
Gasping dramatically, Fred stood and stuck his nose in the air. “Well, I’ve never been so insulted in my life. Just for that, _brother_ , you may not accompany us.”  
  
George rolled his eyes and let out a _HA!_ “First, _brother_ , you wouldn’t even know what to do without me there to coach you.”  
  
Gaping, Fred managed an indignant “I—” before being cut off.   
  
**“Secondly,”** George interjected loudly, “You don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell with her. She’s a _nice_ girl. Nice girls don’t go about shagging their ex-boyfriend’s big brothers, especially together.”  
  
“You finished?” Fred asked, eyebrows raised. George nodded, folding his arms across his chest. Fred continued, “You have underestimated the power of my charm.”  
  
“Two Galleons against your charm, then.”  
  
“Pardon?”  
  
“Go on,” George gave Fred a push, “she’s alone now. Go work this so called _charm_ you’re overflowing with.”  
  
Fred looked across the room. Naturally, Hermione was exploring Remus’ bookcase. She pulled down a volume and started to thumb through it.  
  
 _“Nice_ girl,” whispered George in Fred’s ear, shoving him in her direction.   
  
“Oi, Hermione, good book there?” Fred asked, leaning over her shoulder.  
  
Hermione startled, closing the book with a loud slam. “Fred, you scared me!” she exclaimed, hand on her heart.  
  
“Sorry about that. I just noticed you searching for something to read and figured it was time for an intervention.”  
  
“I’m sorry?” Hermione tilted her head questioningly.  
  
“Obviously, this _party_ , and I use that term very loosely, is a bust.” Fred slipped his arm around Hermione’s shoulders and turned them both toward the room. “See, Remus and Tonks have hardly been five yards away from Bill and Fleur the entire time.” He leaned in to her ear, “I’m starting to wonder if they have some sort of kinky thing going on there.”  
  
“Fred!” Hermione scolded, blushing.  
  
Ignoring the reprimand, Fred nodded toward Ron and Harry. “Look at your best friends over there.”   
  
Ron and Harry were standing face to face, rather closely. Ron’s hand was on Harry’s shoulder and they were both smiling as they chatted.   
  
“I mean, Merlin, they might as well just _come out_ , they’re more obvious than Hagrid is large.”   
  
Hermione giggled, nodding.   
  
“Speaking of Hagrid,” Fred added, “I’ve seen him trying to chat up McGonagall, Kingsley and even Neville Longbottom.”  
  
“Oh, stop that, Fred,” Hermione giggled again.  
  
“Luckily for Neville, my sister dragged him out to the garden.”  
  
“You know, I haven’t seen your mum and dad around for a while,” Hermione noted, turning her face toward Fred’s.  
  
Fred wiggled his eyebrows and nodded to the staircase.   
  
“They did _not!_ ”  
  
“Did so. I’m starting to think that deviant Lupin spiked the punch with some sort of aphrodisiac.”  
  
Hermione tossed her head back with laughter. “You know Fred, I think you might be right. I hadn’t noticed until you pointed it out, but there certainly does seem to be _something_ going on here. Of course, my money would be on two red-headed mischief makers as the source.” Her eyebrow perked up in suspicion.   
  
“Hermione, love, if that were the case, would I have spent the past hour sitting in the corner with George?”  
  
“Well…”  
  
“Uh uh! Don’t you even dare!” Fred covered Hermione’s mouth with his hand and shook his head.  
  
Hermione grinned beneath Fred’s hand and then stuck out her tongue and licked his palm.  
  
His eyes opened wide and he bit his bottom lip in delight.   
  
Hermione reached up and removed Fred’s hand from her face. She held onto it, however and leaned into his ear. “You remember where my flat is?”  
  
Fred’s heart leaped, a tingle ran down his spine. He nodded excitedly.“Let me say my goodbyes, then I’ll Apparate out. You follow after a few minutes.”Hermione stepped back and released Fred’s hand. He stood frozen, watching her make her way around the room, bidding the others adieu. He noticed that she lingered by George for a few minutes, whispering in his ear. Finally, she walked back over to him and placed a staged kiss on each of his cheeks. “Give me ten minutes.” He nodded again. “And bring your brother,” she blurted out quickly, then immediately *popped* out of the room.George dashed over to Fred at once. “Shit, I don’t know what you did, bro, but I’m going to give you four Galleons for it.”  
“Huh? Oh, whatever…keep your money. Let’s get the hell out of here.”   
  
Fred and George waved and simultaneously shouted a general “Goodnight, everyone,” to the room.  
  
  
“Hermione?” Fred called out upon arriving at her flat. George was grinning like a kid in a candy store.  
  
“In here,” came Hermione’s voice from what the boys assumed was her bedroom. “Help yourselves to a drink, I’ll be right out.”  
  
Fred nudged George and nodded toward a pitcher of red liquid on the bar in the far corner of the room. They hurried over and George filled the three glasses, which were next to the pitcher, splashing a bit on the bar. Fred grabbed a napkin and wiped up the spill.  
  
As he went to throw the napkin in the wastebasket, he gasped loudly.  
  
“What?” asked George.   
  
Fred reached into the bin and lifted out a small black bottle.   
  
“Is that…what I think it is?” George wore a gaping smile.  
  
 _“Madam Chrystal’s Exotic Elixir!”_ they read in unison.   
  
The twins downed their drinks in one gulp, looked at each other and grinned.  
  
“Naughty, definitely naughty,” they agreed.  
  
  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
